Sometimes I fail at my life, and other times I help others fail at theirs!

If you have options in life, you are living the good life!

When I blog I often wonder if my daughter will some day read these posts as an adult! Sweetheart if you are reading this please know these values are ones that I treasure, and want for you the most!

1. FAITH and the freedom to find it.

2. That HEALTH will always be in your reach.

3. And that CULTURE will live on your street.

- Love Mom

Has the American dream changed?   A business on main street, three children, and a house with a white picket fence. There was a time when I thought those things were indeed the American dream. Along with a American made muscle car and a large screen TV. But have we replaced them? Do we now all search for job security with in large corporations. Does a wooden fence suggest on going maintenance and the need for a electric yard trimmer. Is it commitment issues that our family’s fall apart before they really began or is it our low self esteem and discontentment that makes of feel unqualified to raise a family and care about any one person for longer then 3 years?

They last few weeks/months have been hard on me and I can not pin point why. My husband continually asks me what would make me happy and my reply is always the same I am not unhappy.

I remember being taught that people as a whole we want too much. That our lives were built upon having more, more anything. More mustard on our burgers, more lines on our post-it notes, even more holes in our designer jeans. Just never satisfied. Then later in my teen years and early adult life I made a commitment to being content. I was so driven by my commitment that I felt  if I wanted anything extra in my life just because, well just because. I had an instant gut sinking feeling of guilt. The idea at first was sincere.  In my mind I was to be a better person as a result of it and live a more satisfying life through contentment.  Like most of my original ideas the end result was nothing like I had first imagined. Instead of it adding to my self worth (living this life without wishing for a new or bigger one). I began to have difficulty dreaming of a life beyond a 4 door sedan, or a paycheck job. Vanity was not the only problem with my plan it also left no room to improve as a person, because in order to grow in knowledge and ability at first we need to want to. New plan want in moderation and with purpose.

On my way home from dropping my daughter off at my parents  last Friday I stopped to get a Pepsi from the citgo  station about four city blocks from my apartment. Tired and in a hurry I quickly got out and started heading towards the door. My stomach sank I went back to my car but just as my gut suggested I had locked my keys, purse, gloves, and Pepsi money inside. It is December in Wisconsin the and the temperature outside was -2 degrees. So I am standing outside of my locked car with my coat, hat, and a cell phone.

I had my cell phone I was excited about that earlier in the week my cell phone had broke and it was only that morning that I had purchased a new one. My Mom was going to be off work soon and she had a spare key to my apartment. It was at this moment when I learned that my phones contact list did not transfer with the sim card. I walked home silently praying that I had not locked my patio door so that I could get that spare key for my car, but no such luck.

My upstairs neighbor had his lights on so I knew he was home.  Though I don’t know him by first name he has helped me out many of times by giving me back my keys when I leave them in the door. Once he even found my cell phone that had fell out of my pocket in the rain took the time to dry it out and return it to me later that night. He has been my neighbor for 2 years and what I have learned about him is that he is a genuine nice guy and plays guitar late into the evening.

I buzzed his apartment and he let me in. Earlier in the year I was sure I had seen a framed sign on the wall next to the fire extinguisher with my land lords contact information.  Tonight it was gone I suspect that after the hall way was painted it was never put back up.

From where I was standing in the hall way I could hear the TV from my neighbor right down the hall. An elderly lady who my daughter has held the door open for on many occasions was watching wheel of fortune. She came to the door and I explained my situation and asked if she had the phone number of our landlord. Right after calling the number listed on her lease we both remember that they had moved. She offered to look the number up on the internet for me, and I was grateful for that.

Once reaching the landlord on the phone they told me that they were out of town, but had their son who lived 45 minutes away covering. While i waited sitting on the floor in the hall way reflecting on how the evening had progressed my greatest disappointment  was not walking home in the cold or that I was going to be late for work (I work third shift), but that I had not got my Pepsi.

When life is at it’s best I am too scare to live it. When troubles are piling up I feel tough enough to take on anything. So I am wondering if the secret to power is risk?

Because I snore has become my answer for many of my life’s ups and downs. Failed relationships … Because I snore.  Over weight…. Because I snore… Bad hair…. Because I snore…. Over tired… Because I am not the only one that does.